i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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