hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
