I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is Oprah even human
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
