just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
