I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
