I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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