it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Randomize
