I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize