also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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