if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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