On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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