I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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