Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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