apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
