Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
