i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
