I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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