ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
