Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so that wasnt chicken after all
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
