You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
