Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I need to calm my uterus...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
