ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
