he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
