Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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