Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
