How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
