just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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