so explain again why im purple
no
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
