I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
