Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
not ubering you a puppy
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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