with your own penis?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
