your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
