Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
