My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
