My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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