I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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