Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
