so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
