Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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