whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
