I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
