You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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