ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
