I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
