You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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