She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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