I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
