I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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