Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
