Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
