i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
