You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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