I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
