Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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