I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
