Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize