You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
