well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
