I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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