do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
