oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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