You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize