she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
