i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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