And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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