ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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