If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
