my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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