I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think I am morally bankrupt
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
