At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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