Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm sobbing to NWA
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
