I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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