I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
