i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
