I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
