When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
