It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize