Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
